Posted by Rebecca
Meet Lincoln James. He was born a little over a week ago to my wonderful friend, Eden. This picture was taken when he was just four days old. We were bonding.
I don’t have children. My biological clock not only seems to be not ticking, I often wonder if it even works. In fact, some of my friends believe that I hate children. But that’s not entirely true.
I have been known to sit there, amongst my girlfriends, while they talked about pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing, just doing my best not to scrunch up my face or make gagging sounds at their recollections of
horror (ahem) the miracle of life…. None of which sound even remotely appealing.
However, every once in a while something stirs in me that sends my biological clock sputtering into action. The way it did when I held Lincoln. I sat there, holding his tiny little body in my arms, tracing over his facial features, looking at each and every finger and toe, noting that a couple of his toe nails were immensely shorter than the others, noticing his plump little cheeks, his frizzy tuft of transparent hair, feeling his tiny abdomen expand and retract with each breath….
And then suddenly my brain lurches into action with the following thought process: Hmmm, maybe I DO want a baby. I wonder what I would name it. I wonder what it would look like. Wait, where would I put a baby?? I don’t have any extra room! Well, I guess for the first few months it could sleep in a propped open drawer…. I saw that on Seinfeld once with Kramer and the Japanese guys, or was it the Dominican’s? Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, the baby could spend the first few months in a drawer, but then what? I guess if it was summer the baby could have my room and I could sleep on a hammock on my deck. But that would be pretty weird. One step away from hobo. If it was a girl we could share a room. And be life-long best friends. Although, now that I’m thinking that out loud to myself, it sounds a little too dysfunctional, even for me. Ok, not BFFs, but mother/daughter just sharing a room. And if it was a boy, maybe I could build a room on the side of the trailer. I wonder if I would need a permit. I wonder if I would have to ask Jeff (aka trailer park owner) for permission to build on to my trailer. Wait, I wonder if I would have to get Jeff’s permission to have a kid, just like I would have to if I got another dog. Kids are waaaayyyy louder than dogs, so that would only make sense….
And then it’s time for me to go. I hand Lincoln back to his mom and the spell is broken. My biological clock came to a screeching halt just as effortlessly as it had started.
I’m glad I don’t have a baby – too many complicating factors to work out. But I’m glad I have friends that do, so I can hold them and love them too.
So, no, I don’t hate children. Most of them aren’t my favorite, however I do love my friends’ kids. I’m happy to be their pretend auntie, or whatever it is that I am to them.
But don’t tell anyone that I don’t hate children. It’s our little secret, ok?? Otherwise, someone may just ask me to babysit….