1. Secretariat. Sure that Triple Crown Racehorse was only 5’6″, but he weighed nearly 1,200 lbs. Sometimes during exceptionally vigorous P90X workouts, I worry that I will break through my floorboards. And, thankfully, I weigh vastly less than that giant fella. And horses smell bad. And have freakishly large heads. Terrifying.
2. Shaquille O’Neal. At 7’1″ he won’t fit. An inch too tall for trailer living. But it’s ok, because I don’t really know the rules of basketball, and I’m sure he doesn’t really know the rules of trailers, so it’s unlikely we have much in common.
3. Thailand’s Largest Reclining Buddha, Phra Buddhasaiyas, at Wat Pho. Not only would it be impossible to get the 150 foot long, 45 foot high statue inside my home, I think the multiple plane tickets needed to get that thing a flight from Bangkok to Reno would be pretty cost prohibitive….
4. The Duggar Family – Jim Bob and Michelle, and their 19 reality-TV-darling offspring. Technically, they could probably fit. I’ve had parties with more than 21 in attendance. But why would anyone want 19 children in a single-wide trailer. That would just be stupid.
5. The Z Gallerie Conversation Pit. 9 1/2 feet wide, and 6 1/4 feet long. Granted, my trailer is 10 feet wide. But that is the outside measurement. So if you factor in a few inches of non-existent insulation, baseboards, and the weird thingies that jut out from my windows, there’s no way you could squeeze in that couch. It also costs nearly as much as I paid for my house, so there’s that. However, it’s one of the most comfortable things I’ve ever set my tush on, so perhaps I should just sell my place and live on the Conversation Pit.